skim milk is delicious

hello readers!

it's me, t. i just want to address a few things.

1) since i am back at school, and taking 20 credits, movie reviews may be thinning out a little here. i enjoy doing this, and i hope you enjoy reading it, but school has top priority at this point. i'm going to try my hardest to keep up, but i'm playing it by ear at this point. maybe m will pick up a little of my slack... nudge nudge.

2) this next point is directed towards you, the reader. i would like to know if you'd prefer me to just give my opinion on movies i've seen, like the majority of my reviews, or if you'd like me to also give a brief synopsis plus my review, like the one i wrote for joshua. i can't promise anything but i'd like to know what you'd like to see written here. i'd also love to hear any other suggestions you might have... do you want me/us to do some write-ups on tv shows? music? what? tell me.

3) where are my comments? i know... i hate it when people plead for picture comments on myspace. but i think this is a little different. if you love it, tell me. if you hate it, tell me. if you disagree, tell me! start a conversation with me! i love feedback, i crave it. like the honda cr-v. crave.

ok thats all.

xoxo

t

reason number 5,847 why i'm never having children

see that eerily cute little boy to the left there? yea, that's joshua. the. scariest. mother. fucker. under 12. and i'm not kidding about the mother fucker part either. this kid mind fucks his mother to the point of insanity.

joshua is about a little boy (see picture) who's soon to be a big brother. yea!!!? no yea. from the beginning of the film, one can easily see that joshua is a gifted young boy. he doesn't appear to have much in the way of friends or a social life but he is intelligent and very gifted on the piano. upon the arrival of his younger sister, joshua is unimpressed and confused as to why he is no longer getting all the attention of his well-to-do parents. things start to get a little disturbing when joshua tells his father that "you don't have to love me, you know. it's not a rule." who the hell says that?! certainly not an 8 year old! over the next half an hour or so we learn that joshua was a fussy little brat when he was an infant and that this constant crying drove his mother to fall into a state of psychotic post-partum depression.

years pass and joshuas mom "recovers" and all seems to be well within the family. until lily (baby sister) mysteriously begins crying insistently. we are led to believe that joshua and his freakishly smart little brain had something to do with this. freaky things continue to happen that make you question what you would do if your own flesh and blood were acting this way. the main climax of the movie is when joshua and his mother (who's hanging by a single mental thread at this point) are playing a game of hide and seek in the house. lily is sleeping. joshua hides. mom seeks. baby and joshua go missing. mom goes apeshit.

after mom is subdued by some strong anti-psychotics she is committed to a happy sunny mental institution. dad, joshua and lily return home. one night dad discovers some not so kosher things about what joshua's been doing at night for the last few weeks and begins to suspect that his son is the reason why his family is falling apart. morbid, no? i don't want to spoil the disturbing ending for anyone, so i'll stop here. let's just say this kid knows waaaaaay to much about childhood psychology and pretty much redefines what a spoiled brat is. you don't want to know what happens when this kid doesn't (or does) get his way. nor do you really find out for sure.

jacob kogan, who plays joshua, is great. fantastically frightening. jacob's acting is spot on and 100% convincing. i never would have guessed that such a young inexperienced person could take on the role of a sociopath and deliver, perhaps better than, an actor with years of experience.

vera farmiga, who played abby, the mom, was also great. i'm glad i don't share that gene pool. post-partum and sociopathy?? tempting, but i'll pass. sam rockwell, aka brad the dad, was terrific. sam is a fantastic actor, ::cough:: who need to take on more roles ::cough:: and really grounds the two extremes in his family while trying to protect the only normal one.

i thought that joshua was thought provoking and unnerving at the same time. you should not see it if you currently harbor a phobia for young children; this movie will not alleviate your fears! there are children out there like young josh here, and we should all be prepared if one of them happens to spring to life in our own family or in the families of our close friends. this movie can help prepare us.

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i give joshua a b+
-t

that is soooooo gaaaay!

ok so you want to see a comedy film with your boyfriend. he wants to see some stoner/drunkard/dumbass comedy. you want to see "it's not a chick flick! ... its a romantic comedy! yes there is a difference!" good luck solving that problem. well for all of you who think this dilemma is harder to solve than the "which came first" problem... i give you... dadadadaaaa! i now pronounce you chuck and larry!

benefits include: a laugh for him. a little romance for you. and he might also be a little more accepting of your gay bff.

first off, adam sandler. i really enjoy him. a lot. i always have. i didn't really know what to expect from him in this role. i would've been angry if he took the role to far and mocked his character, but i would have been disappointed if he didn't deliver his normal borderline rude/endearing/"you know it's true" performance. to my surprise he found a happy and believable middle ground. adam sandler as a whore was a little bit of a stretch, but you know what? i'd hit that. after a few. he seems like a super decent guy and funny to boot. i have a funny feeling that he is very similar to the characters that he plays, which would make him a great dad, or uncle.

kevin james. what a diamond in the rough he is! i've only recently become a fan of his through the king of queens, but i am getting more attached to him as time goes on. kevin is a great actor and comedian. he plays real guys and says things that real guys would say and does things that real guys would do. he's an underdog and he knows it and he runs with it. he's funny, without always trying to be so. if you haven't been exposed to him, i highly suggest it.

jessica biel. i'm not a big fan of hers to be honest. i don't think that she is a very good actress. but for some reason, this role works for her. i've really only seen her in dramas and she doesn't come across as genuine. i really think that comedies are more her thing. i think she would do well to play more "hot t and a" roles in male dominated movies. (see also: christina applegate in anchorman and christine taylor in dodgeball, etc.) there were times where i would've liked an acting coach to intervene but overall it was her best performance i've seen.

the supporting cast was great. nick swardson. dan aykroyd. ving rhames. and steve buscemi. kudos for holding you own and being memorable.

now... cameos. perhaps my favorite part! it was like every where you turn... BAM! famous unexpected face! there's another one! is that...? yes! it is! wow! brilliant. rob schneider. david spade. tila tequila. rob corddry. lance bass. richard chamberlain. rachel dratch. matt winston. and the piece de resistance... dave matthews as a gay retail clerk. aaaaamazing!!!!

the script was pretty good for what it was. the funny lines were fresh, not the same rehashed shit in most romcom movies. i rarely laugh out loud when i'm watching films alone. but i definitely lol-ed more than a couple times. the costume party scene was great, as was the very first scene of the movie. and the soundtrack is enjoyable also!

ahh. refreshing. i now pronounce you chuck and larry. a comedy that breaks away from the pack.

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inpycal - b+

-t

(Just Came to Say) Goodbye Love

Topic: Broadway, Theater

Subject: Rent

Yesterday it was announced that Rent has set a date for its final performance, June 1st, 2008. Jonathan Larson's milestone musical, has been entertaining Broadway audiences for more than 12 years at the Nederlander Theater. Upon closing it will become the seventh longest running show in Broadway history. A fan needs to discuss this with a level head, I will be that fan. But first a brief history ...

Adapted from Puccini's opera, La Boheme, Rent tells the story of a group of young artists, struggling to live in New York's East Village in the late 1980's/ early 90's. There, they grapple with AIDS, heath care, homelessness and poverty.

After a opening to critical acclaim, Rent went on to wina slew of awards, including the Tony award for Best Musical, as well as becoming one of seven musicals to win a Pulitzer Prize for Drama. Tragically, Larson never lived to see Rent's success, passing of an aneurysm after the final dress rehearsal at an off-Braodway theater workshop. 

Rent also introduced the world to an outstanding cast, including, Taye Diggs, Wilson Jermaine Heredia (winning the show's only Tony for acting as Angel), Jesse L. Martin, Idina Menzel, Adam Pascal, Anthony Rapp and Daphne Rubin-Vega.

Rent needed to close. I have been with Rent for over 10 years now, and have seen the show twice (first in 2002 with Joey Fatone, second this past summer with Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp reprising the roles they originated). Part of my reasoning for seeing Rent the second time, was the allure of Pascal and Rapp, and I thought I may as well see it again before it closed because I knew the end was near. 

My second viewing sealed the end for me. There was an obvious lack of energy throughout the entire show (the only exception being Tamyra Gray's performance as Mimi). La Vie Boheme has never seemed so worn out. Pascal and Rapp appeared exhausted, uninterested and were forgetting lines. Now, they are about 12 years older, and playing the same 20-something characters, something was left to be desired. C'mon guys (especially you Mr. Rapp!) we all want to see you in new and exciting projects, spread your wings a little. 

Also, I think there is a stigmatism that comes with the role of Maureen. I don't think anyone has captured Maureen the way Idina Menzel did (maybe Sherie Renee Scott), and I believe a lot of us still want to picture Idina in the role. Wether we saw her in the original cast or not, thanks to the soundtrack her voice rings through our ears during Over the Moon, and the movie doesn't help our case either.

I will always care for Rent, and it will forever remain close to my heart. However, along with caring for it so, I need to realize what is best for the show. Rent needs (and deserves) time to rest and recover. Someday Rent will return, re-imagined and rejuvenated (hopefully not similar to the recent London "remix"). I look forward to this day, but right now I'm looking to move on. However, I will never forget what soundtrack to grab when I'm getting ready to go "Out Tonight."

Good bye love. Good bye.

-M

i'm bo[u]rn[e] again!!!

i love these fucking movies.

the bourne identity had me hook line and sinker, as did the second, so it's only logical that the third follow suit. i love movies that make me think, get me excited, and get me hot and bothered (thanks mr. damon!), all at the same time! i think the cinematography of all three of these movies is exceptional. i feel it has the rare ability to get a common feeling across in a unique way. i can't really describe it, i just feel it when i'm watching it.

mr. damon delivered a nearly perfect performance and has solidified his standing in my book of favorite actors, ever. i enjoy his sexy brooding much more than i probably should. i also like how in person (and by in person i mean in interviews i've seen him give) he seems like such a genuinely down to earth, happy and nice man, yet he can deliver performances like that of jason bourne and his character in the departed. and in the talented mr. ripley. (see it!!!!!) i really admire him for his ability to literally become a completely different person. just like jonny depp. (shameless plug, i know)

julia stiles was good. i'm glad she came back. i liked how she mirrored marie's dilemma (choosing to help bourne, putting herself in danger, cutting her hair in the bathroom) but how she chose a different path; the right one for her. maybe [in the next movie] she'll come back and screw bourne (we all know she wants him), but who knows!?

david strathairn, as the merciless fascist asshole, joan allen, as the bitch who does the right thing, and albert finny, as the creepy omniscient voice were all terrific. i enjoyed each of their contributions equally.

i liked the ending a lot. everyone got what he/she deserved. noah got his ass carted off to jail. landy became a hero. hirsch didn't get his star in langley. nicky got a cool haircut and a potential boyfriend and bourne got to live. the only thing i'd really like to know is the history between jason and nicky. were they lovers? enemies? or just coworkers? i smell a 4th movie.

there better be a 4th movie.

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the bourne ultimatum - a

-t

starring ben still-lame as the stupid asshole. again.

not a big fan of ben stiller. i really don't think he's made anything worth seeing since meet the parents.... or zoolander. which ever came first. i feel like all of the movies he's in/characters he's played recently are the same. they are all chick flicks but butched up. no really. it's like photoshopping a dick onto a woman's body. literally. still got the boobs. still got the estrogen. still got the xx chromosomes. hell, its still even got a vag (cuz you only covered that with a penis). you are just altering the appearance, only slightly and badly i might add, but the foundation is still the same.

i'm not going to spend a lot of time on this. its not worth it.

ben stiller is a douche and a moron in the movie.

i have no idea who the actresses (who played the love interests) were. i guess the script is so bad that no well known actress would agree to sign on.

the movie was about 20 minutes too long. that 20 minutes was full of jokes that have been in all other stiller movies, and even some that had already been in this one! just in case you didn't get them the first time.

they had to throw in the gratuitous boob and kitty shot for male enjoyment. and a sex scene. and a pot smoking session. and the word... panties. ugh. what a horrible word.

rob cordery is the only funny/believable character. there aren't even any good cameos.

i've already spent to much time on this. i'd really only recommend this movie in a few circumstances: a) you are a ben stiller fan. b) you have 2 hours to kill and have nothing better to do. c) you want to scare your boyfriend even more about "married" life. d) it's either this or titanic.

you pick.

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the heartbreak kid - d

-t

another one bites the [star]dust

firstly, can i preface this with a little side note? in case you hadn't noticed, i do not enjoy giving bad reviews to movies. i like to think of my rating system on a scale of acceptable/disappointing to orgasmic. i like to stick with the positives. i don't normally like to think of movies as being "bad", but don't get me wrong, there are bad movies (titanic, 2001: aso, pi). i guess what i'm trying to get at here is that some of my reviews may be slightly skewed in the positive direction. i try to be as accurate as possible, but some movies that really deserve a d might squeak in with a c-. as long as i feel that they (everyone involved) tried to make the best movie they could i'm going to add on some points for effort. not every film can be atonement, so i instigate a grading curve, if you will.

now with that said...

i feel like stardust did try to make a good/cute sci-fi romance flick. try is the operative word here. firstly, i could not get over how lame the special effects were. they were bad. low-budget bad. charile cox, the lead male, was cute. not a horrible actor, but i've seen better. robert deniro was the only saving grace as a cross dressing pirate.

i had a real problem with claire danes. she was unconvincing and half-hearted in her delivery. while the "love speech" was nicely written, claire was actually physically ugly when she was giving it. i don't know why, but her face was just grotesquely contorted so that it seemed like she was in pain whilst confessing her love for tristan. also didn't like michelle pfeiffer very much.

i'm really not sure why it got a pg-13 rating.... would have been safe with a pg. the "violence" was laughable and the "risque humor" was non-existent.

i pity "bad" movies, therefore...

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stardust - c-

-t

national treasure: book of secrets a.k.a. the da vinci code-lite

was the davinci code to confusing for you? were you frustrated by the complicated plot lines? annoyed with the hype? bored by the end of the 3 hour long film? well try national treasure [book of secrets]! you didn't see the first national treasure? well that's ok. you don't really need to, at least to understand it's sequel.

i'm just poking fun. but definitely speaking the truth. ntbos was similar to the davinci code in that they both have that mystery/pseudo-thriller/thinly veiled conspiracy theory genre-thing going on.

the film is good for what it is. if you go into it expecting award-worthy performances and such, you will be disappointed. but if you go into it expecting to see an entertaining film with some high-budget eye-candy and a plot that will make you feel smart (even though the writers hold your hand through each plot turn), then you will be satisfied. hey,it held my little sister's attention for the better part of 2 hours, so that's gotta count for something, right? yes. yes, it does.

some of the acting was a little crude. some of the one-liners were funny. and some of the obstacles were a little contrived. cage, kruger and voight were somewhat under par. but mirren and bartha (yum!) saved the show. i think that ed harris would have been an asset, if they didn't limit him with such a one dimensional character. he was the bad guy, but had maybe 30 minutes combined of speaking parts.

the plot, as i said before, wasn't too complicated. some parts do make you wonder if some of these things could actually exist. this film, as with the first one (i think? i can't remember.) leaves plenty of room for a sequel. and with the success of both national treasures, i'd put money on there being a third.

the movie certainly appeals to every ones inner child, and every ones secret desire to be some modern day indiana jones.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
national treasure: book of secrets - B-
-t

Wrap this (Underaged) Mother Up!

Topic: Movies

Subject: Juno

The moment my interest in Juno sparked was when Ellen Page delivers this zinger of a line to Jennifer Garner in the trailer, "Nah ... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kinds of shenanigans could I get into?"

Ellen Page deserves all the acclaim she is receiving for portraying our unlikely heroine, Juno MacGuff. Rather than playing Juno as another disaffected teenager isolated from adults, she acts mature and equal, while speaking in her own teenage tongue. Declaring lines such as, "I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout." Jargon of this breed could have gone terribly wrong, rather Page remains charming and genuine, while keeping the audience wondering what she will spit out next.

Olivia Thirlby also deserves praise, holding her as Leah, Juno's best friend. Thirlby expounds hilarious one-liners, such as "Foo get Thailand!"

It was a nice change to see Allison Janney, Juno's step mother, Bren, playing a real woman, as oppose to the mother stereotypes we've seen lately. We look for some hostility between Bren and Juno at first, but as the film goes on we see that there is a mother-daughter relationship there, built on love and respect.

Jennifer Garner looked great, post-Violet Garner-Affleck. Her character, Vanessa, the uptight adoptive mother we find annoying at first, we begin rooting for as the film continues.

Michael Cera is precious as Paulie Bleeker. However, he is more or less the same character Cera played in Superbad, just a different situation. But hey, that's how Jake Gyllenhaal started out and look at him now. Cera's past casting decisions were well made (Arrested Development, Suberbad) and I look forward to seeing more in the future.

Juno is a heart warming film and the conclusion of events is a happy one. I kept struggling to predict the ending, when it came I was pleasantly surprised for all the characters involved because you end up caring for them.

 

Grade: A

-M