sorry no reviews... yet.

so until march 4th i am trapped in a huge cold deserted house, dogsitting. there is no internet (and when i say "no" i really mean dial-up, which is worse than not having any, imo) and the satellite tv only gets the local channels and vh1. which means that i cannot watch the season finale of project runway tonight which therefore makes me a danger to myself and others. so angry. sooooooooo angry. for all of you who do get to watch it tonight, take a commercial break to think about me, sitting cold and lonely in the middle of the woods drawing pictures of myself in various states of mental distress. but i will have goodies for you all when i return on the 4th...

upcoming reviews:

gray matters

hot fuzz

vantage point

across the universe

becoming jane

penelope

the ten

My New Found Respect for Jimmy Kimmel

Way to step it up Kimmel!

Everyone must have had some down time during the WGA strike. The all star cast includes. Brad Pitt (it's nice to know you have a sense of humor while Angie is home), Robin Williams, Cameron Diaz (love the hand gestures), Josh Groban, Meatloaf, Dominic Monaghan, Harrison Ford, Macy Gray, Christina Applegate, Joan Jett, McLovin, Don Cheadle, Rebecca Romijn, Pete Wentz, Perry Farrell, Good Charlotte, Lance Bass, and Huey Lewis.

-M

aaannndd the winner is....

the grammy's are really the only awards show that i enjoy watching. the performances keep me entertained but the amount of commericals are still mind-numbing and cause for suicide. just so you know, i tend to get into award shows when my favorites are involved. so some of the categories i react like my father does when watching the super bowl. also sorry in advance if i offend anyone or "dis" your favorites. this is my blog. if you don't like it... go write your own.

alicia keys and frank sinatra performance - FRANK!!!! omigosh. i love ol' blue eyes. i wish that alicia would sing more songs like this. more jazzy, less poppy/r&b-y. i think, and her performance tonight is testament to this, her voice is better suited for that old school jazz. i borderline hate the song "no one" and was therefore thankful that she didn't sing that one.

best female r&b vocal - alicia keys... even though my sentiments towards the song are less than favorable, imo, she was the only logical choice for this award.

carrie underwood performance(instrumentals by garbage from outback) - yaaaawn. over it. go back to country-ville, whore.

rihanna and who? performance - if i hear "umbrella" one more time, i may just kill someone.

tom hanks!!!!

the cirque du solie interpretation of the beatles makes me want to see across the universe.

best new artist- thank god feist didn't win. i hate "1234" more than "no one". amy winehouse was the only logical choice for this category, also. at least given the noms.

jason bateman - hahaha. just learning how to read. i like him.

kanye west performance - be still my beating heart. no one can deny that he ALWAYS delivers. i really like the outlining of everything in lights. oh mamma. beautiful performance, i had tears in my eyes. i feel so bad for him i just want to give him a hug.

fergie and john legend performace - kinda like the new song. forgetable though.

best soundtrack - love. honestly. i didn't love any of the noms. beatles are always the default choice though. i don't think anyone this day in age expects to win when they are up against anything related to the beatles. so no harm done.

beyonce and tina turner performance - hate the outfit. hate it. like the performance though. (reminds me of the chicago track "cell block tango" which i loved.) and then comes tinia turner, dressed and moving like a robot and then...woah! holy metallic nip-ons batman! watch out! those are dangerous! beyonce looks a little worn out in her duet with tina. but her outfit is much better.

best song of the year - "rehab" poo. i wanted corrine to win. the best song in the category. hands down.

foo fighters performance - "the pretender" is one of the best songs they have put out to date. foo are crazy live, they put on a fucking awesome concert. dave grohl makes me want to put on my converse and rock the fuck out.

brad paisley performance - good going on the paisley print guitar. har har har. get it? his last name is paisley and his guitar is paisley-ied out. *gags* i don't like the country music genre. if for no other reason than the fact that lyrics to country songs are like "i'd like to check you for ticks" *vomiting noises*

best rap album - KANYEEEEEE!!! so deserving. this album is fantastic. props for dissing the av crew on interupting his speech with the fucking music. that really gets me going. its so rude. i know they have a time schedule to keep but they KNEW that he wasn't going to leave the stage without mentioning his mother. if one person goes over time, cut out a fucking commercial segment if you are so pressed for time. trust me you can afford it. way to be a huge douche bag, grammy av crew. way to go.

aretha franklin & co. performance - dear lord i hope that spaghetti strap stays up. personally i would have chosen a different, more flattering, dress, aretha. but that's just me. im not the queen of r&b so what do i know? not blown away by the performance. and it went on a bit to long. and by a bit i mean they could have cut the whole performance and left it at that.

feist performance - see that pencil on the table next to me? in about two seconds, it is getting shoved in my ear so as to enduce inner ear trauma. and wtf is up with the shag throw rug?!

keeli smith and kid rock performance - kid rock is such a tool. ruined the performance for me.

best rock album - (if daughtry wins i will execute him.) YEEEESSSSS! FOOOOOO! i actually held my breath. this album is great. and these guys definatly deserve it. interesting side note: dave grohl reminds me of david spade.

alicia keys performance - see that other pencil? going in my other ear. wait...wait...wait. it's...it's...it's... JOHN MAYER!!!!!!!! OMG! look at johns fucking shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you john. i love you. good job improving the song. i could actually listen to it while you were on stage.

best country album - who cares. vince gill. next. woah. hold on. don't talk to kanye. he's gonna shoot your ass after the show for that smart ass remark.

herbie hancock and co. - rhapsody in blue is such an amazing piece. these guys were great. this yang yang guy is an entertaining performer.

best rap collaboration - umbrella. ugh. gag me. rihanna hugs jay-z, beyonce says "bitch, back off my man!" killer girl fight ensues! oh wait... nevermind.

amy winehouse performance - you couldn't find anyone better than cuba gooding jr to introduce one of teh most talked about singers of the year? wow. sad. upon first glance amy doesn't look too coked out. gross look at her legs. they are so skinny. i was funny expecting her to change the lyrics to "they tried to make me go to rehab and i said yeaa yeaa yeaa." her "dancing" during the performance was that of someone who hasn't been on their feet in a few weeks but over all i'm happy that she made it through without doing a line or falling flat on her face. gold star for amy!

record of the year - ooo this is a battle royal if i ever saw one. aaaaaand the award goes to... amy winehouse! her reaction was so genuine i can't help but be really happy for her. i hope she can turn her life around and make some more good music.

josh groban and andrea bocelli performance - a great song to honor the recently deceased in the music world sung by two amazing voices. shame on you if you've never listened to either of them. you are truly missing out on some beautiful music.

little richard and jerry lee lewis and john fogarty performance - saving the best for last, eh grammys? does one go to hell for insulting rock royalty? well it was a lot better than aretha and co. that's for sure. little richard is such a character.

will.i.am "performance" - ??? really? areyoufuckingserious?

album of the year - come on kanye. come on kanye. WHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!????? how the fuck do people pick the winners? i mean herbie hancock is great and all... but really.... come on. deliberate snubs like this are what make me hate award shows. with a passion. STOP PLAYING THE FUCKING MUSIC!! let the man speak damnnit! you just gave him the most coveted award of the night and you want him to give his thank you speech in 30 seconds or less??

ok good night!

p.s. sorry if there are spelling errors, my awesome spell check button hasn't been working lately.

"You're mean boys who are just being mean!"

Topic: Movie Review

Subject: Alpha Dog

Based on the true events, Alpha Dog tells the story of a group of 20 something year old wiggas from Southern California in the late 90's. As ransom for overdue drug money, Johnny Truelove (Emile Hirsch [pre-Into the Wild]) impulsively kidnaps Zach Mazursky (Anton Yelchin), the 15 year old younger brother of Jake (Ben Foster). Undecided about what to do next, Johnny places Zach in the custody of his wing-man Frankie (Justin Timberlake). Certain Jake will pay his debt, Zach willing follows Frankie around for 3 days, while developing an unintentional brotherly friendship.

Allow me to share my immediate reaction: HOLY CRAP, what a heartbreaking story! Zach is such a hopeful teenager, a little naive, but looking to escape his overbearing parents for a moment. Only to land in dastardly situations, either with his meth addict older brother or kidnapped by a juvenile druglord. While held hostage Zach finds the kind of companionship he is looking for at home and begins to come into his own. Fighting for himself, for only a brief moment, and encountering teenage girls for the first time. Towards the end of his abduction he reflexes on what he has done wrong and wishes to change his future for the best. He is a great kid, with a hopeful future, he was only desperate for a momentary change to find some perspective.

Ben Foster gets his own HOLY CRAP for his portrayal of Zach's meth addicted/ neo-Nazi older brother, Jake. Seriously, Jake is one crazy mother f***er! I understand Foster went through a lot of research for this role, I'm not sure if it was for an Oscar nomination he was looking for, or if he is just this intense, but either way it paid off! Foster shows all the sides of Jake; anger, desperation, high on meth, psychotic, and his love for Zach. His only downfall is his fight scenes, coming off more of an action hero as oppose to a 20-something human being.

Snaps for Mr. Timberlake! While Frankie is not the most difficult character, JT performs very well for someone whose acting resume includes the New Mickey Mouse Club, Model Behavior and Edison. He excelled in his first "real" role, as I shall call it. While Frankie starts out as an ass, his character evolves as his relationship with Zach grows over his captivity. By the story's end you can feel their emotional attachment and you want him to do the right thing, which he feebly attempts, but ultimately resumes his way of life pre-Zach.

Other highlights: the witness count which grows up to 40! Slightly, hilarious. The opening credits of baby and family videos of the cast. Sharon Stone's final scene as Zach's mother years later. Her delivery of, "They say there's a reason for everything. If God's got a purpose for me, he better get the fuck down here and tell me what it is, 'cause I don't see it!" brings you to tears for her, and really makes you question the proverb. Otherwise, I think Olivia Wilde was given too much attention for such a minor role.

A

-M

james marsden = delicious (3 of 3 super quick reviews)

likes/positives: james marsden. my honest advice to him would be to get a restraining order against me right now, even though we've never met and probably never will, just to be on the safe side. regardless i will still plead temporary insanity due to exposure of overwhelming amounts of gorgeousness in a court of law for my actions. kathrine heigl - cute, relatable, believable, smart for picking excellent roles for herself! judy fucking greer, man. i cannot get enough of her! one of the best supporting actresses ever. will someone please give this girl a freakin award?!

dislikes/negatives: the movie poster! god i think this is terrible! i didn't realize that the writers strike is also affecting movie poster design. does follow the romcom predictablity path that i don't enjoy, but it actually won me over, unlike many recent romcom attempts to do so. the fact that the movie doesn't include tv trailer clips - i loathe it when movies do this. loathe it.

overall grade: a-

blindingly bright (2 of 3 super quick reviews)

likes/positives: heavy philosophical and psychological overtones. questionable morals. cillian murphy - mmmm. chris evans - plays a great asshole. cliff curtis - excellent! mark strong - plays a great deliusional fuck-up (understatement). actually making characters realistic and human and putting them in situation that they would actually experience (regardless of the fact that they are in space). not sugar coating anything bad that happens. when it's bad in space... it's really bad (and by bad i really mean neck deep in the messiest, foulest shit ever) and of course... the suspence. i'm a sucker for it. waaaaaay better take on philosophical space mystery than 2001: aso.

dislikes/negatives: slasher-esque-ish (almost) ending. not as much character development as i would have liked, although there is enough.

overall grade: a

chuck's a good fuck (1 of 3 super quick reviews)

likes/positive comments: jessica alba. dan fogler. dane cook. gratuitus use of penguins. all gave acceptable performances. cute. doesn't require much thought to follow.

dislikes/negative comments: typical romcom format/plot devices/predictable outcomes, if you think you know how it's gonna pan out, you're probably right. gratuitus sex without artistic purpose - i like dane cook but not THAT much.

overall grade: c+

no i am!

normally i hate sarah silverman... but i thought this was tasteful for her and funny. and it has matt damon in it. do i need more of a reason? didn't think so.