keep your death-inducing virus to yourself please.

so if you don't know me very well or at all you may or may not be concerned to find out that i have a fascination with things that will fuck you up. deadly bacteria that eats your flesh? interesting. parasitic viruses that liquefy your insides? fascinating. debilitating mental abnormalities that possess you to believe you are the second coming of jesus christ? awesome. this is why abnormal psychology was my favorite psych class. and why i really looked forward to reading the hot zone. if this freaks you out too much to be my friend anymore, so be it. i'm sure you like something messed up too. get over it.

now i should mention that part of the reason i like things that mess you up is because i find it interesting to see how society reacts to such things. this is also why i like dystopian movies and books. i like seeing who freaks out first, who rushes to help, who turns into a raging sociopath and how many people just lie down and take it. judge me if you want to.

anyway after reading the hot zone and the andromeda strain last month to prepare myself for this awesome movie (that i have been WAITING for) i was pretty psyched to see it opening weekend. and thankfully i was not disappointed!

along with about 6-9 (depending on your degree of film snobbery) big name stars, contagion had almost everything i like in a movie. it was smart, scientific, thought provoking and thrilling. it had some touching moments and even had a few appropriate jokes/funny comments. now sometimes big ensemble casts scare me away from a movie. it has the chance to just be a competition between the actors as to who is the biggest star and who can take up the most screen time. contagion didn't have that problem. each actor more or less had their own storyline to deal with. there were a few crossovers but nothing competitive. but with almost 5 separate story lines can't it get confusing? sure. but not here. everyone is working towards a similar goal. to not get sick. to not get other people sick (with the possible exception of jude law's character depending on how you look at it). however it does make for a lengthy summary. i'll do my best to keep it short by just highlighting the main plots around each group of characters. (spoilers abound but nothing too big)

gweneth paltrow is the first person we see come down with the virus. we don't know how she contracts it or where from but it rapidly destroys her. flu like symptoms then a murderous seizure. boom. dead. 2-3 days after exposure. no mercy. then her young son gets it. dead. matt damon is gwen's husband and step father to the boy, who also has his own daughter. doctors become worried that he has been exposed and puts him in quarantine for 10 days. he's immune. he then takes his daughter and locks them in their house to try and wait out the impending shit storm.

lawrence fishburne and kate winslet are doctors for the CDC and the epidemic intelligence service (i WANT that job) who try and find where the virus came from, how it spreads and how to prevent further spreading.

jude law turns out to be a semi-annoying little shit who writes a conspiracy theory blog. he advocates the use of some homeopathic cure-all and people subsequently go all homicidal for it. jude represents the douche bag who will do what he can to get ahead even in times of devastating crisis.

marion cotillard is a WHO epidemiologist who travels to china to try and find out where the virus came from and who the first person to come down with it was. some not-so-kosher shit goes down in her travels.

i was pleased that the movie wasn't too dumbed down. there was enough scientific discussion and facts to give it credibility but it was delivered in such a way that people with no medical background could understand most of it. the societal implications and outcomes seem to be just about right. people would, in general, lose their fucking minds. there were plenty of disturbing scenes in barren grocery stores and of rioting, looting and pillaging. all of which WOULD HAPPEN if something this catastrophic came to fruition. and eventually i'm sure it will. i'm not an overly paranoid person but upon leaving the theater i wanted to stock up on antibiotics, gas masks and various means of self-defense.

i can't say much else without giving away the whole movie but really the only thing i wasn't completely satisfied with was the lack of elaboration of the symptoms. for example there was a part where they cut open someones skull and when the doctor saw what this virus did to her brain he told the other doctor in the room to back up and get out. and here i am in my seat subduing the urge to claw my way through the rows in front of me in order to try and get a better look at whatever it was that they didn't show. i refrained from screaming "SHOW ME!! I WANT TO SEE IT!" but thought that would be mildly irritating to those around me if not outright terrifying to them.

all in all this was a realistic and therefore disturbing movie. one i highly suggest you go see if only so you can see what a possible future might look like should any virus this disastrous get loose among the human population.

contagion :: a

remember that thing you thought you took care of? well you didn't.

i'm not sure what drew me to seeing this movie. sure it fits into my love of espionage - esque thrillers. but that was pretty much it. i didn't have any invested interest in any of the actors. i liked them well enough but nothing really compared to my obsessive desire to see any and everything with james mcavoy or jude law in it. (god help me if they are ever in the same movie together) i think what i was drawn to was that fact that it was an intellectual movie. this summer, as with every summer, it's always an ULTIMATE BLOW YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR SOCKETS BLOCKBUSTER EXTRAVAGANZA! (also in 3D), and usually by the end of july i'm done with that shit. my brain craaaaves stimulation of the intellectual variety.

so to be given this little morsel of a teaser to oscar season was a treat for me. i'm not saying this was an oscar worthy movie... it wasn't. but it was good. and a good transition piece from the action packed summer movies to the intelligent fall and winter films. i enjoyed 90% of the movie... the ending was just a little unexpected? i don't what to say about it. i don't want to spoil it for anyone who might read this so i can't really go into details but i guess i can say that old people engaging in hand to hand combat is just slightly... confusing? for me. it's just rare that i think of someone my grandma's age punching someone in the face. don't get me wrong, the ending was good but it was just odd to witness.

the summary will be short and vague since writing too much will give away too much. rachel, on the eve of her daughters' book release is haunted by some shady shit she and two fellow spies did during the time after ww2 and the holocaust. the movie is told in a flashback form and so much of it happens in the late '60s. rachel, david and stefan are tasked with finding a nazi war criminal in east berlin and bringing him to west berlin and to justice for the sick experiments he did on children during the holocaust. they botch the mission and are basically fucked because they have this dangerous man kidnapped and nothing to do with him. the "doktor" slowly tortures the 3 with derogatory jewish slurs and comments until one of them snaps and beats his face into looking like ground beef. then... oh shit he escapes. rachel is the only one with this scumbag when he pulls a houdini so he overpowers her and that's all i can really say. sorry. look it up on wikipedia if you want the play by play. it is in my nature not to ruin good movies.

there are a lot of good things in this flick. the acting is great. i liked the darkness of the film both in content and delivery. the material was slightly heavy, but didn't delve too much into the horrific tragedy of the holocaust. the cinematography was dark but still very crisp. it was a serious movie with almost a faint trace of documentary inspiration. i think i would have liked the movie more if the whole thing just took place in the 60's and didn't have the time changes or the sometimes confusing actor swaps. there was something off with the young-old actor choices. the 2 men who played david looking nothing alike (sam worthington and ciaran hinds) nor did the 2 men playing stefan (marton csokas and tom wilkinson). and while the scenes involving helen mirren doing spy stuff was a little unusual they were still pretty riveting. other than that everything was pretty great. i would absolutely recommend this to other people and might even watch it again when it comes out on dvd.

the debt :: b+

our idiot movie

oh paul rudd. why do you torment me? you don't have lead roles coming out the ass so when you do star in a movie i'm generally excited. when i first saw the trailer for our idiot brother i was only slightly interested. i should have listened to my gut and saved my money.

first off... why would you cover your beautiful face with that mangy beard? WHY?! second... not a big fan of two of the starring females. (i won't name names in fear of alienating what might be the one person who will read this.) thirdly... simpletons are not attractive. i don't care how good looking or charming you are... simple/oblivious people frustrate me to no end. ok here's my unfortunate review of the unfortunate movie...

i will not qualify anything here as a spoiler since this movie is SO FRIGGIN' predictable its not even funny. i'm pretty sure that a feral human living in the backwoods of north dakota who's never even encountered another human could outline the plot and subsequent outcomes for you. read on if you want to be bored to tears.

ned. simple simple ned. we first meet him selling pot to cop. in uniform. at a farmers market. can you guess what happens next? he's arrested and goes to jail! UNBELIEVABLE, right?! flash forward a few months, ned gets out on good behavior and goes back to the farm he and his girlfriend lived on, only the find that she has moved on (to a new simpleton!). she's a total douche bag to him and kicks him out... and keeps his dog, willie nelson. cold.

so he moves in with his (simpleton of a) mother and we meet his 3 sisters. liz, miranda and natalie. for whatever reason he doesn't want to live with his mom and moves in with each of his sisters and upon first glance seems to fuck up each of their lives. he catches liz's husband cheating, refuses to back miranda in a scandalizing magazine article and rats out natalie's pregnancy to her lesbian partner. guess what... they all get pissed at HIM! this is where i got a little miffed. the movie makes every female character seem over reactive and irrational. except the mom... she's just an old wino. yes women can be crazy and emotional but the events here just make it seem like all women are just delusional, lying, cheating, petty or some violent combination of all four. it's not misogynistic per se... but it is pretty unfair. i'm not saying what they did or how they reacted was right or wrong but it was overgeneralizing.

of course ned then tells his parole officer that he smoked pot with the kid across the street and gets... put back in jail. his sisters see the "error in their ways" and try and bail him out. except he won't accept their bail because he's a simple man and has been convinced that he was the reason for his family's' unhappiness. so instead of throwing in the towel the family comes to the obvious (?) realization that by stealing his dog from his douche bag ex, he will accept their money and apologies and come home! and it works. of course. everyone is happy in the end. oh and ned meets what the audience assumes to be his soul mate because she has a dog named dolly parton. AWWWWW. *rolls eyes* the end. credits roll.

interestingly enough the credits have a blooper reel that are actually kind of funny. presumably the people involved in the film realized the movie was a complete turd and decided to give a little something that says "hey... thanks for sticking this one out guys. we really appreciate your $13."

our idiot brother :: d

leap over this one

ouch. this one was pretty bad. i try not to grade a movie before it's over but leap year graded itself within the first 20 minutes. i never had any expectations for the film (it's a cut and dry click flick, after all) but not only was the script pretty dismal but the things that usually make a chick flick bearable for me were also pretty rough. these things being the soundtrack/score, the cinematography and the likability of the characters. roll up your sleeves... this one's gonna get messy...

the script. oh god the script. nothing about it was interesting, funny or smart. i swear the only thing i heard coming out of amy adams' mouth was the noise of the teacher from charlie brown. waw waw waw waw waw. you know that cringy feeling you get when you hear a bad pun or corny pick up line? yea... that was the feeling i had for the entire 90+ minutes of dialogue. there were even parts where i swear there was a thought bubble above the actors' heads that read "really? really?! i can't believe i'm actually saying this." it was that bad, people.

the soundtrack was beyond forgettable. it didn't even register in my mind. i honestly can't tell you the name of any song that played during the film, which is alarming since chick flicks are usually packed full of predictable pop songs of the moment. the score was just as bad. i may be slightly bias since i'm not a fan of irish folk/pop music to begin with but it seemed juvenile and almost mocking at times. i don't even care enough to look up who was in charge of the music.

the cinematography and over all plot of the movie was jerky, disjointed, forced and amateurish. there were at least 3 fade to black scenes and at least 5 slowly fade out and then into the next scenes... you know where the heroines' face is superimposed over the picturesque landscape or her forlorn lovers' face? yea that's a no-no in my book.


finally the characters... the glue that holds chick flicks together. watery at best here. i wanted to punch amy adams [character] in the face so many times. i couldn't find myself to give two shits about who she ended up with or what misfortunes befell her. her longtime boyfriend seemed fine until the unsurprising end. even matthew goodes' character was one dimensional. there was not a drop of chemistry found between any of the actors and all lines were delivered as if the recipient was a brick wall. this was an "i need the money to pay my bills" movie if i've ever seen one.

leap year :: d

sausagefest, mutant style

so in my defense i was excited about this movie BEFORE i knew hugh jackman was naked in it.

i never read the x-men comics so i'm not in the camp of bashing this movie because of supposed inaccuracies related to backgrounds and powers and whatnot. i watched the cartoon with my brother when i was like 10 or something so my "expertise" on the x-men series ends there.

i'm not even going to attempt to review this movie until i get the girlyness out of my system. so if you are repulsed or otherwise uninterested in the swooning of a 20-something year old girl skip down to the last few paragraphs.

---begin swooning---

hugh jackman. liev schreiber. taylor kitsch. dominic monaghan. kevin durand (keamy!?!!!). ryan reynolds. will.i.am. (yes, that is the order that i would "do" them in) a woman must have casted this movie. there's no way a man would put so much hotness into one film. unless he's gay. either way... kudos to you casting director. way to get females interested in a comic book movie. moving on...

uhhh. dripping wet. abs. hip bones. bulging muscles. perfect facial hair. you just got liquid metal injected into your whole body? poor logan, come here. momma's gonna make it alllll better.

uh... logan? no, i don't think it's a good idea to go jumping off a 40 story waterfall... wait. you're doing it naked as the day you were born...? continue.

...sweet jesus almighty look at that ASS. you could just bite right into that...mmm.

ok i need to move on... to the other men or this post is going to go on forever. liev... i would make love to your voice if that was possible. you are like a big teddy bear filled with sex. there's just something about you... i can't put my finger on it... but it's there. taylor, i'm not sure who you are but i love your face. and being gambit (one of my faves from the cartoon) doesn't hurt your cause either. damn you writers for not giving me more gambit. dominic. oh my love! i have missed you since your untimely demise on lost. you are utterly adorable. you can turn me on anytime.

kevin... (i actually yelled "keamy!?" in the theater.) you are the hottest mercenary on the face of the earth. keamy... why did ben have to kill you? oh yea because you shot his daughter... oh wait. we're talking about x-men... not lost? right. you have a beautiful voice as well. you aren't very attractive as the blob... but before... you are a delish piece of mutant. ryan reynolds. uhh... where have you been hiding all those muscles? do you have more? can i see? please don't think i don't like you because you are so far down on the list... i just have standing relationships with the men ahead of you. you'll work your way up, don't worry. will.i.am. who knew you could act? gutsy move jumping into an action movie/role. most singers take the easy road and make a cameo in a rom-com as their first foray into film. you aren't too shabby in the looks department either. wait. what?

new accent to add to the list of accents that make me swoon: cajun. not crazy about your food... but your men i'll taste.

---end swooning---

the opening credits were fucking awwwesome. anyone who knows me knows i have a thing for men who can't die/are indestructible/don't age, so the whole wars-through-the-ages sequence really got my blood boiling... sorry... i thought i got the horniness out of my system. oh wait. that's not possible. i'm really going to try to review the actual movie here, i swear.

it never registered in my mind that logan's... claws?... were bone before they were adamantium. i wasn't surprised when the bone claws came out at first but it kind of freaked me out a little. i have a pretty strong stomach when it comes to blood and gore and gunshots and stabs... but broken bones, especially when they break through the skin, just totally turns my stomach and gives me the chills. so seeing the bone come through the knuckle... even sans blood... kinda made my vision a little fuzzy for a second. but that problem was resolved fairly quickly once stryker got involved. i liked that the other mutants' powers were highlighted even if it was a little unnecessary. i was a little irked at the character development... or lack thereof. there were too many new people introduced in too short of a time. i love new mutants and seeing the cool shit that they can do but it's just kind of silly to introduce a new person, have them on screen for 10 minutes, not explain their ability, and then kill them.

the plot was a little weak. i understand why wolverine is the way he is... but the film made it hard for me to empathize with him. it was like the film was caught in between being strictly an action movie and a drama with some action thrown in. you could tell the writers were trying to inject some humanity into the characters and their problems... but they came up a little short. other than that, the writing was decent, some good dry humor and sarcastic wit. camera work was good, nothing epic but still held my interest.

besides the glorious naked ass scenes i think my favorite part was where wolverine is walking away from the destruction and fireball behind him. i half expected the letters B.A.M.F. to be stamped across the screen. sweeet.

x-men origins:wolverine :: b

a christmas carol + womanizer + aqua velva = ghosts of girlfriends past

yes yes yes... i know there's like 75 reviews i'm skipping here. but in order to get back into the groove here i need to start with something(s) i've seen recently. so shut the hell up and read.

gogp is a nice, fairly funny, brainless chick flick. i should just write one general review for chick flicks and copy and paste it for each one i see. but that would be cheating... but when have i been above cheating? exactly.

bias alert: mcconaughey, garner and douglas are 3 of my favorite actors.

gogp follows the same predictable pattern that all chick flicks follow. the acting was pretty good and the cast was surprisingly well put together. matthew mcconaughey is in his typical womanizer role. jennifer garner is in her typical level-headed sweet, no bullshit independent woman role. their chemistry isn't fantastic but it's there. michael douglas as the perpetual bachelor/commitment-phobe uncle is fantastic. he's a completely believable (which may or may not be a good thing for catherine zeta-jones) and charming asshole, if there is such a thing. lacey chabert was perfect as the (subtly) bitchy bridezilla. and... woah! breckin meyer!?!?! where the fuck have you been the past few years?! the last time i saw you was in clueless/josie and the pussycats/rat race/kate and leopold! good to see you man.

the christmas carol concept was a creative and semi-refreshing breath of air within the genre. it was like taking the semi-scenic route to a familiar location. a nice change but nothing out of your comfort zone.

i also felt that the movie didn't take its self too seriously. the "supernatural" presence of the ghosts kind of made this a necessity. there was a nice balance between funny and serious. the writing was nothing profound and the jokes were kind of predictable. most of the jokes revolved around sex (no issues with me there) which at times made me want to cover the ears of the 2 12 year old boys in the row in front of me. there wasn't anything explicit but i think a rating of pg-15 may have been more appropriate, if there was such a thing (don't get me started on mpaa ratings, please).

overall this was a good choice for killing time with a girlfriend on a boring saturday afternoon.

ghosts of girlfriends past :: b-

my husband.

sexiest. dance. ever.



paul rudd is just... mm mm good.

worst. blogger. ever.

i have a backlog of, like, 30+ movies that i want to review on here. some will be very short. but i'm going to try and get them all up asap. and then try and keep up with reviewing like i did when i started this thing. don't hold your breath, though.

ps: the backlog will begin with april 9th... knock yourselves out.

superhero royalty

do i REALLY need to review this one?
best. super. hero. movie. ever. made. period.

ps: christian bale, heath ledger(r.i.p.) and aaron eckhart... it could have the shittiest script ever written and i would still go see it on opening weekend.

the dark knight :: a+ (++++++)

viva la coldplay!

have you ever listened to a masterpiece? the beatles' white album? miles davis' kind of blue? michael jacksons' thriller? coldplays' viva la vida?

yes. i just placed viva la vida among the greats like the joshua tree and dark side of the moon. what now?

the issue with classifying something as a masterpiece is that people think that it has to be universally liked and generation defining. that may have been the case in the past, but not for generation y-er's. since we have so much more access to music these days, and so many different types of music, it is no longer possible to produce a "masterpiece". at least according to that definition.

i honestly don't think that most bands/singers today are capable of producing one. most of them barely put out a second album. catchy riffs and vapid lyrics will get you a top 10 hit, but thats about it. coldplay is different. i think that coldplay realized this after the explosion that was "yellow" and quickly did something about it. case in point: a rush of blood to the head. a-maz-ing. i didn't think they would ever be able to top that. and when x&y came out i was pleasantly surprised since critics didn't like it so much. needless to say, their fourth creation has really eased my fears that i would be listening to one hit wonders the rest of my life. viva la vida quite possibly tops my list of favorite albums.

everyone (critics) are highlighting the latin and spanish influences on the album and while i certainly heard those influences, i hear more african and asian influences. this kind of illustrates my whole point though. spanish, asian and african? how many bands can draw from three different cultures and integrate them seamlessly on one album?? humm??

if i had to choose i think my favorite song is "42" followed by the whole rest of the cd. i could give you a play by play review of each song but that would be overkill since they would all basically say "sofa king awesome". so go buy it and form your own opinions.

i'm beating a dead horse here but coldplay is the next u2. i would bet large sums of money and valuables on it. the similarities are there. not just in the studio but in their lives as well.

this is the best 47 minutes of auditory experience i've had in a very, very long time. thank you.

coldplay's "viva la vida" - A fucking + (++++++)

the environment strikes back

i wish people would give mr. shyamalan a break. he's never going to make another sixth sense, so stop waiting for it! i'm not saying the sixth sense was a fluke, because it wasn't. it was a well-thought out masterpiece. but you can't compare every movie he does from now on to his first. that's unfair. and ridiculous. i think his movies show that he's not a one trick pony. he's a storyteller. he tells familiar stories from new perspectives, twists the plot a bit and throws in a handful of suspense and thrills for good fun.

in the happening shyamalan takes the story of a unseen, mysterious natural killer and applies his standard formula to it. the story is told from the point of view of an intelligent teacher, instead of a group of dumb, beautiful teenagers. he pretty much figures out the cause of the mass suicides on his own, where in another movie the teenagers would've heard it on the crackling radio inside the tent they are camping out in. in the typical movie the environment is attacking humans, whereas in the happening, the environment is protecting itself. see how a different perspective can change a movie entirely!? shyamalan could have told an equally effective story without explicitly showing the killings, but the neck piercing/bullet to the head/lawn mower food are this movies' ghost under the table/alien hand in the grate/monster in grass waiting to scare the shit out of you. i'm not saying the deaths were gratuitous, they were just the flash and bang aspect of the movie.

i got really pissed when i read that critics were giving this movie exceptionally low ratings and writing it off as some cautionary-preachy green movie. there were definitely elements of that but i honestly don't believe that shyamalan wrote the movie thinking that it was going to be some massive slap in the forehead for the masses and we were all suddenly going to stop polluting and start driving eco-friendly cars. no one in hollywood is that delusional or self-centered. ok that's not true, but what i'm trying to say is that shyamalan is not just pulling bullshit out of his ass. nature is a living organism and has the same evolutionary capabilities as humans and other animals. he's just pointing out the "what-if" option and creating a story with it.

if you like a good story, with a solid plot, interesting characters and twist here or there, then you should at least give the happening a chance. if you are just interested in a whip-lash inducing turn at the end, you will be disappointed and should go back to 1999 and re-watch the sixth sense for the first time.

the happening :: b

monsters like their apples, just bigger

j.j. abrams is some kind of god. or at the very least a demi-god. i don't know where he comes up with his material but i don't care. he could be killing people and sucking the thoughts from their corpses and i wouldn't care. i don't care if he sold his soul to the devil. or if his bff's are voldemort and hannibal lector and he has pow-wow's with them on a weekly basis to help him think up his next mind-fuck. whatever he does/did he needs to keep at it. his stuff is like crack to me. (don't even get me started on lost)

i never saw the blair witch project so this is really the first time i have seen a movie from the [camera] point of view of the characters. it was mildly annoying at times but in most cases it really made the film. if cloverfield had been shot using typical camera work it would have been "oh just another monster movie, yawn" but this perspective added a lot more. it makes the film much more intimate and real (as real as it could get) and scary. that subway scene... i would've killed myself. actually i would have killed myself as soon as i realized the big monster was shitting out spider monsters the size of my car.

i absolutely adore jj's storytelling techniques. he never answers all of your questions, often answering questions with more questions. and everything is a metaphor for something and it's all open to interpretation. there's always the possibility of more to come. i don't have much else to say about cloverfield other than it was entertaining and the only monster movie i have sat through willingly in ages.

cloverfield :: b

bitches love the cheddar

way to go affleck brothers!

the only thing i didn't really care for was the length. no, no, that's not right. i didn't like how it seemed to have 2 endings. the first time i thought it was going to end i was like "wtf. don't end it there!" but then it started up again and i was happy! but then it dragged just a little and i got a little disappointed. but the real ending was well worth it.

the cast/acting was superb. the plot was incredible and the setting was perfect. there were a few twists which i loved and the character development and societal issues were fantastic. an original mystery is hard to come by these days, and gone baby gone is one of those rarities.

gone baby gone :: a

speed racer starts my engine

ok first let me get something out of the way... emile hirsch AND matthew fox(even though his face is covered 98% of the movie...)?! and they are driving fast cars?! these are just 3 of my favorite things. ok...

so i was never a huge speed racer fan. i watched a few episodes here and there after school when i was a kid, but the racing thing never really did it for me. that's before speed looked like emile and before i ever dreamed of touching (read: flooring) a gas pedal. i still don't really like racing, per se, but i do enjoy pretty cars and leaving the speed limit in the dust. anyways... in a flashy, fast one-shot, speed racer isn't that bad.

this movie is perfect for my little sisters' overstimulated, a.d.d. afflicted, hyped-up generation. the colors and effects are pretty and entertaining. the plot is simple but thought out and well put together. the writers/director/producers did a good job catering to the two main demographics this movie would attract: the youngins who have no idea who speed racer is, and those who watched the cartoons when they were younger. it's visual enough and funny enough to keep kids in their seats, but it's also not brainless enough (which is a good thing) to drive parents/older siblings to rip out their hair in chunks. it also has a good "don't sell out your family and friends for anything less than a billion dollars" message.

i'm just fairly positive i had a few seizures in the theater. but no harm done.

speed racer :: b+

и ваша мама также

i think i would like to take a trip like this. except stay in nicer hotels, have a more reliable car and, oh yea, not have cancer. i especially enjoyed y tu mama tambien because it was a movie centered around young men and told the story from their perspective. there aren't a whole lot of those, at least in the US, that aren't centered around violence and what not. although most male centric movies are dominated by sex. i wonder why that is???

the story is entirely realistic as are the emotions and situations the characters go through. the ending isn't the happiest one in the history of the world but it's also not slit-your-wrists-sad either. it is exactly what would happen if that situation really happened. which is what makes it a satisfying movie.

y tu mama tambien :: b+

your excentric personality killed you

it's both fitting and ironic that lindsay lohans' career begins and ends with a "twin" movie. this movie was painful. it was like watching a dying animal waiting to be put out of its misery. except worse. there were so many plot holes and unbelievable situations that it wasn't even laughable. i don't even want to go into detail as to why it's so bad, because you wouldn't believe me. it is so outrageous, you have to see it for yourself. i could garner no artistic, aesthetic, intellectual, or other value from this film. it is a waste.

i feel like this was lindsay's half-assed attempt at breaking into porn. a pornographic swan song, if you will. while it's not explicit, you get the feeling that she would've gladly taken her clothes off if that's what the director wanted. actually i bet she tried to flash some boob and some who-ha but the higher ups begged her to remain clothed. ikwkm was pretty much a platform for lindsay to show off her pole dancing "skillz" and her ability to ride a dick. this really was the final nail in lilo's career if you ask me. she has left the world of talented actresses and ascended into pitiful tabloid trash. how unfortunate.

i know who killed me makes it onto my "top 10 worst movies i've ever seen" list. you're welcome.

i know who killed me :: d-

you're the j to my uno

i feel like i've seen this movie like 100 times. even though i know i haven't. the concept is original enough, but for some reason it just seems... tired. don't know what all the fuss is/was about. i enjoyed ellen page and jason bateman. allison janney was great. jennifer garner was stunning as always. but i wanted to PUNCH michael cera in the face. i watched this as an in flight movie to (or from?) italy which may be a factor in my lack of enthusiasm. also it's only been since april that i've seen it, and i can't really remember a damn thing about it. (and if you know me, you know my memory rivals that of an elephant) i know she's preggers and she's giving it up for adoption and she says witty teen slang catch phrases. but everything else about the movie is just tired and slightly apathetic to me.

juno :: c+

don't quit your day job, mandy... oops.

a case study on how not to have [on-screen] chemistry with john krasinski (which up until this point, i believed to be impossible) well done mandy moore.

license to wed :: c+ (+ for john, who was the only saving grace)

awake? asleep? somewhere in between.

WARNING SPOILERS THROUGHOUT THIS REVIEW

have you ever (for all intents and purposes) died, had your mother kill herself, tell you in limbo to go back and get the fuckers that killed you, and then come back from the dead and did just that? no? well i have. you should try it sometime. its kind of trippy. but not really.

first off... the main focus of the poster (to your right) is the overexposed jessica alba, who is... not the main character! she is nicer to look at than hayden christensen but shes not the main character! yesh. studios will do anything to get people to see a movie these days. (just like in 'once upon a time in mexico'... salma hayek was on the poster and like 2nd billed but was only in the movie for 5 minutes. i'm not kidding.) next you'll see "starring brad pitts foot!" and then in minuscule writing "for 5 seconds!" people will line up for that shit. star power is all the power you need to manipulate the masses.

ok on to the actual movie. awake. the only reason i saw this movie was because we talked about it in my philosophy class last semester. well we talked about anesthetic awareness to be exact. blah blah blah are you really unconscious while under anesthesia blah blah blah how do anaesthetised people know what was said in the room after they wake up? blah blah blah. philosophical mindfucks like that.

ok! jeez. i am not on the ball tonight. awake! semi-predictable and mostly unbelievable. i definitely think that anesthetic awareness is a real phenomenon. but having your mother kill herself so that you can have her healthy heart, meeting her in limbo to discuss future business plans, and then pulling through only to find out your fiancee is a greedy double crossing bitch? no ones life is that fucked up.

the movie was entertaining. you got me there. the acting was descent. jessica and terrence are very good in their respective roles and even haydens' tortured screams are convincing. the plot was just a little far-fetched. there were some philosophical and psychological undertones but not enough to overshadow the "yeah right" factor(s). lena olin is an amazing actress and she does matriarchal bitch/loving mother very well. i'm not really going to talk about hayden. he's not a good actor. he's not attractive. he got lucky with the star wars role. and probably got this role because no other actor wanted it. he does play a rich priss convincingly at times. but he is inconsistent. and that bothers me.

got an hour and a half to kill? want something that will make you think a little? (i stress the "little") awake might be for you.

awake :: b-

john krasinski can tackle me anytime

i could make a lot of inappropriate comments about the picture to your right but i'm going to keep it clean.

i thought george was satisfactory and did an overall good job at directing and acting. (i always think thats a little presumptuous though. you can be an actor and director but not at the same time. you are really just monopolizing the movie and its creativity at that point. whatever. make as much money as you can i guess.) i always like seeing mr. clooney on the big screen. he's so handsome and talented. he has that old hollywood randy gentleman thing going on. dodges' cockiness and charm were traits that would have been wholly unbelievable had someone else been in the role. there were times when i thought george was just a touch too old for the role and a little bit too old to be going for a girl lexies age.

did not like renee in this role! i thought it was a huge miscast and would have liked to see someone with a little more natural sex appeal instead. lexie was a well written character but i did not enjoy renees interpretation of her. i think that renees delivery was wooden and the only way she fit lexie was in physical looks.

now on to john. oh jkras! imdb should never have told me you grew up where my brother now goes to college. i will stalk you like a corn field, lover! ahem. love love love carter! loved his character, his looks, and his personality. you go through the whole movie thinking he's a great guy. perfect and charming and all golden boyish only to discover that he has faults. just like everyone else. which makes him even more endearing.

at first i thought all three of the main characters were over exaggerated, sometimes comically. but i grew into it quickly and enjoyed their (oft unrealistically) quick banter and innuendos. i think the characters were supposed to appear that way to show the fanatical nature of the time period. alcohol makes some people misbehave... lets ban everyone from drinking! credit cards allow me to pay later... let charge everything! see what i mean? man i love the 20's.

its rare that i like a sports movie, but this one was more about the people and circumstances surrounding the game. a good date movie. football and manliness for the boys and eye candy and romance for the ladies. comedic joy for both!

leatherheads - B