so in my defense i was excited about this movie BEFORE i knew hugh jackman was naked in it.i never read the x-men comics so i'm not in the camp of bashing this movie because of supposed inaccuracies related to backgrounds and powers and whatnot. i watched the cartoon with my brother when i was like 10 or something so my "expertise" on the x-men series ends there.
i'm not even going to attempt to review this movie until i get the girlyness out of my system. so if you are repulsed or otherwise uninterested in the swooning of a 20-something year old girl skip down to the last few paragraphs.
---begin swooning---
hugh jackman. liev schreiber. taylor kitsch. dominic monaghan. kevin durand (keamy!?!!!). ryan reynolds. will.i.am. (yes, that is the order that i would "do" them in) a woman must have casted this movie. there's no way a man would put so much hotness into one film. unless he's gay. either way... kudos to you casting director. way to get females interested in a comic book movie. moving on... uhhh. dripping wet. abs. hip bones. bulging muscles. perfect facial hair. you just got liquid metal injected into your whole body? poor logan, come here. momma's gonna make it alllll better.
uh... logan? no, i don't think it's a good idea to go jumping off a 40 story waterfall... wait. you're doing it naked as the day you were born...? continue.
...sweet jesus almighty look at that ASS. you could just bite right into that...mmm.
ok i need to move on... to the other men or this post is going to go on forever. liev... i would make love to your voice if that was possible. you are like a big teddy bear filled with sex. there's just something about you... i can't put my finger on it... but it's there. taylor, i'm not sure who you are but i love your face. and being gambit (one of my faves from the cartoon) doesn't hurt your cause either. damn you writers for not giving me more gambit. dominic. oh my love! i have missed you since your untimely demise on lost. you are utterly adorable. you can turn me on anytime.
kevin... (i actually yelled "keamy!?" in the theater.) you are the hottest mercenary on the face of the earth. keamy... why did ben have to kill you? oh yea because you shot his daughter... oh wait. we're talking about x-men... not lost? right. you have a beautiful voice as well. you aren't very attractive as the blob... but before... you are a delish piece of mutant. ryan reynolds. uhh... where have you been hiding all those muscles? do you have more? can i see? please don't think i don't like you because you are so far down on the list... i just have standing relationships with the men ahead of you. you'll work your way up, don't worry. will.i.am. who knew you could act? gutsy move jumping into an action movie/role. most singers take the easy road and make a cameo in a rom-com as their first foray into film. you aren't too shabby in the looks department either. wait. what?
new accent to add to the list of accents that make me swoon: cajun. not crazy about your food... but your men i'll taste.
---end swooning---
the opening credits were fucking awwwesome. anyone who knows me knows i have a thing for men who can't die/are indestructible/don't age, so the whole wars-through-the-ages sequence really got my blood boiling... sorry... i thought i got the horniness out of my system. oh wait. that's not possible. i'm really going to try to review the actual movie here, i swear.
it never registered in my mind that logan's... claws?... were bone before they were adamantium. i wasn't surprised when the bone claws came out at first but it kind of freaked me out a little. i have a pretty strong stomach when it comes to blood and gore and gunshots and stabs... but broken bones, especially when they break through the skin, just totally turns my stomach and gives me the chills. so seeing the bone come through the knuckle... even sans blood... kinda made my vision a little fuzzy for a second. but that problem was resolved fairly quickly once stryker got involved. i liked that the other mutants' powers were highlighted even if it was a little unnecessary. i was a little irked at the character development... or lack thereof. there were too many new people introduced in too short of a time. i love new mutants and seeing the cool shit that they can do but it's just kind of silly to introduce a new person, have them on screen for 10 minutes, not explain their ability, and then kill them.
the plot was a little weak. i understand why wolverine is the way he is... but the film made it hard for me to empathize with him. it was like the film was caught in between being strictly an action movie and a drama with some action thrown in. you could tell the writers were trying to inject some humanity into the characters and their problems... but they came up a little short. other than that, the writing was decent, some good dry humor and sarcastic wit. camera work was good, nothing epic but still held my interest.
besides the glorious naked ass scenes i think my favorite part was where wolverine is walking away from the destruction and fireball behind him. i half expected the letters B.A.M.F. to be stamped across the screen. sweeet.
x-men origins:wolverine :: b
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